Thursday -- 9-03-04

've just returned from seeing Jesus Christ Superstar at the Music Circus.  It was absolutely amazing.  The energy was high.  The music was perfect.  And the woman that played Mary Magdalene was beautiful.  I wept through a large majority of the production.
    When it was over, I waited in the courtyard to see if the cast would come out for meet and greet.  Although it wasn't a formal meet and greet, cast members did come out, eventually.  The woman who played Mary Magdalene, Sophina Brown, was walking past me.  I approached her, reluctantly, fearing she'd think me some crazed fan.  Much to my horror, as I began to speak to her, the tears came, and I cried as I told her how much I love this play, and how her performance was so wonderful.  I thanked her and she thanked me and hugged me.  I was really embarrassed.


    I received a couple of e-mails from R, so I called him on Tuesday.  He told me he's been thinking about me, and when I asked him what he'd been thinking, he told me "the 'what ifs' of the universe."  He went on to tell me that he really likes me, thinks I have an amazing personality, but that there can be "no illusions."
    I have none.  I'm pretty certain that our relationship would not have the fire it seems to if it weren't for this element of something forbidden.
    In any case, we got together, today.  It was really nice.  I was much more relaxed then I have been in the past, so we were into each other much more quickly.  It's nice, because we take as much time to talk and touch each other as we do actually having sex.
    He has such a great voice.  In fact, I like pretty much all that there is to describe about him, at this point.  He's very attractive.  He's just slightly on the stocky side.  He shaves his head.  He smells nice.  He has a nice pelt of hair on his back and chest (I am one of those rare women who find that sexy).
    Mostly we just connect.  It's just nice.
    He and M are supposed to come to the SCA event that I'm playing at this weekend.  I think I'll bring my own tent after all.


I Don't Know How to Love Him

I don't know how to love him.
What to do, how to move him.
I've been changed, yes really changed.
In these past few days, when I've seen myself,
I seem like someone else.

I don't know how to take this.
I don't see why he moves me.
He's a man. He's just a man.
And I've had so many men before,
In very many ways,
He's just one more.

Should I bring him down?
Should I scream and shout?
Should I speak of love,
Let my feelings out?
I never thought I'd come to this.
What's it all about?

Don't you think it's rather funny,
I should be in this position.
I'm the one who's always been
So calm, so cool, no lover's fool,
Running every show.
He scares me so.

I never thought I'd come to this.
What's it all about?

Yet, if he said he loved me,
I'd be lost. I'd be frightened.
I couldn't cope, just couldn't cope.
I'd turn my head. I'd back away.
I wouldn't want to know.
He scares me so.
I want him so.
I love him so.

--Mary Magdalene in Jesus Christ Superstar
 

 

Previous Entries
Friendly Advising - 02-02-05
Lovemaking - 01-30-05
The Art of Unhappiness - 01-13-05
Rubber Ducky - 01-09-05
Ouch - 12-24-04
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