|
|
|
Shopping for Discounts --
8-02-04
|
_met
with Shrink, today.� It's funny how, given the opportunity to ramble
on about yourself unchecked, a body can figure out a lot of things that
seem incredibly obvious.
��� Today,
it was dating....� He had asked me how my date with Goth Guy went,
and I told him the extremely short version of the story.� I felt it
was more important to discuss with him the things I've learned since then
about my cynicism and giving up those things that I really really want
for fear of never having them.� Besides, in retrospect, I feel kinda
dumb about that whole thing.
��� In any
case, I've been gestating a thought that came to fruition during our meeting,
today.� As much as I want to be in that relationship that I feel so
ready for, I have to stop looking.� I used the analogy of shopping
for a blouse.� If I'm just out shopping and a blouse catches my eye
that I think is just so adorable that I can't live without it, I buy it.�
I'll be happy with it and never disappointed.� On the other hand,
if I go out looking for a blouse -- the perfect blouse -- and I know in
my mind exactly what I want, down to the color of thread that the buttons
are sewn on with, I'm never going to find what I'm looking for.� I'll
look and look until I'm frustrated, and then settle for something that
isn't exactly what I was looking for but I'm tired of looking, I'm never
going to be completely satisfied.
��� Using
online dating services really narrows your scope and not in any good way.
��� I think
these last few weeks have been really good for me.� The stuff with
Goth Guy hurt for a couple of days, but in the end, I've learned some really
valuable stuff.
-
I've realized that I gave up
on some dreams because I had resolved myself to always being in unbalanced
relationships
-
I've realized that cynicism
and bitterness are real turn offs
-
I've learned that sharing too
much personal information too quickly is not always a good thing
-
I've learned that it's healthier
to deal with rejection by reaching out to real friends than by trying to
make new ones on the net
��� Ironically,
I got an e-mail from Goth Guy on Friday.� He's planning a jaunt to
Japan Town in SF and wanted to know if I'd like to go along.� I'm
really not sure how to take this.� I've never been rejected by someone
who then wanted to be my pal.
��� I considered
telling him to go fuck himself, but there's really no reason for that except
that I felt crappy as a result of his honesty and therefore strive to make
him feel crappy.
��� I think
I may actually go, if for no other reason than to demonstrate that I can
be light-hearted, relaxed, and natural when I'm not nervous.� I can't
deny that there's a secret place in the back of my mind that thinks if
he sees me this way, he'll realize how wonderful I am and sweep me up in
a passionate kiss with that sexy mouth of his (cuz it was really nice).�
But mostly, I think I just want to hang out, see a place I've never seen
before, and prove that I really am the coolest 33-year-old, divorced, burnt-out
high school teacher/ren faire geek this side of the Mississippi. |
_
Click
here for a
Complete
Table of Contents
_
|