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What I Don't Want --
7-27-04
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've been in counseling for a number of years, for reasons I'll detail
in some future entry (and then some).� Lately our primary topic has
been my relationships.� This is not limited to "romantic" relationships,
but it certainly includes it.
��� In jest, I told my counselor (I'll refer to him
as Shrink from here forward), that I think I should make an inventory of
what I want in a man and refuse to deviate from it.� Surprisingly,
Shrink thought this was a good idea, with one minor change.� He suggested
that instead of creating an inventory of what I want, which could be infinite
and impossible to accommodate, I should create an inventory of what I don't
want.
��� That's reasonable, and hence, that is the list I
have been compiling.
What I Don't Want in a Man
by Jaded Heart
-
smoker -- no explanation necessary
-
heavy drinker -- (I'd prefer a guy who drinks maybe once or twice per year)
-
recreational drug user -- although I truly believe that marijuana should
be legalized, I really can't see myself as comfortable with someone who
smokes pot regularly.� (I could possibly be swayed on this one, but
not sure).� Anything else is crazy.
-
drop outs -- this doesn't necessarily refer to any one incident of dropping
out in a person's life.� I know several people who have dropped out
of high school or college, and have gone on to lead successful lives.�
This refers more to a general dropout personality.... doesn't keep a job
long.... doesn't live in one place for long... etc.
-
liars -- I have zero tolerance for people who lie.� It makes it very
difficult for me to respect them and certainly to trust them.� My
least favorite group of liars are those who lie for no particular reason
other than to make themselves seem more interesting, or to outdo
the story someone else has just told.� This group includes but is
not limited to
-
cheaters -- obviously
-
promise breakers -- if you say you're going to do the laundry while I'm
at work, do the laundry while I'm at work.� When you don't, the next
time you tell me you're going to do something, I'm not going to believe
it.
-
makers of lame excuses -- I'm sorry, but "I didn't have time to flush the
toilet" does not fly in any reasonable version of reality.
-
poor personal hygiene -- brush your teeth, for God's sake.� I'm so
proud of my own smile, why do I attract men with kaka teeth?
��� I'm sure a normal person who has experienced relatively
healthy relationships will look at this list and go, "uh... well yeah....
DUH!"� But I've been with all of them.� One past partner encompassed
all the things in the list above (except for drug use and infidelity),
and he was the best relationship I ever had.� Again, this is why I
am in counseling.
��� It's complicated.� I really just want to be
with someone who doesn't need me to take care of him or mend him.�
But at the same time, I'm terrified of men who are self-sufficient.�
Literally terrified.� Like I feel panic in my joints to be around
them.� I imagine a romance with them to be cold and distant.
��� Shrink tells me that this is because the men I've
been in relationships with have been needy and suffocating, and so my mind
imagines a complete opposite.� Like I'm incapable of imagining a happy
medium.� I guess I am, which is why I have so much trouble believing
that there's hope for my love life.
�� I should say that Shrink doesn't make me feel that way.�
I like him a lot.� I wish he had a younger, taller brother he could
hook me up with.� |
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