Friendly Advising -- 02-02-05

n the time since R and I have begun seeing each other, I have had to ask myself many times if he really loves me, or if I'm making more of this than there really is to make.  I no longer have that question.
R has a very close friend named J, with whom I have chatted a few times.  J plays EQ with us on Tuesday nights (a weekly gathering at his place).  Anyway, on Friday, he asked if I'd like to come over and hang out with him and some other guys and do some gaming.  I had nothing better to do and I enjoy hanging out with them, so I went.
    Inevitably, R came up.  I won't go into the long, drawn out details, but J told me in no uncertain terms that he thinks the reason that R has been so "grouchy" lately (this is a complaint I've heard from his friends, though hadn't experience for myself) is that R is in love with me, unhappy in his marriage, but absolutely committed to never getting a divorce.  He went on to tell me that he thinks I'm the best thing that's ever happened to R and that he hopes the two of us end up together, though he doesn't see how this can happen without an incredible amount of pain.
    I don't know what, if anything, I should do about this.  Ok, I know the "moral" thing to do would have been never getting involved in the first place.  At this point, it would be to step aside, so as not to have an influence on the crumbling of a relationship.

    I don't, however, consider myself particularly moral in the traditional sense.  1)  R is the most incredible man I have ever met.  With my lengthy history of shitty relationships, I want this with all of my heart.  The thought of walking away from it is equivalent to realizing I have the winning lottery ticket but deciding not to cash it in.  2)  It was not my decision to call this Love.  I tried to keep it heart-free in the beginning.  There are several entries here regarding that.  R is the one who has called it love.  R is the one who continues to call it love.  3) It is R's wife who insists on this multiple partners relationship that they have.  It is her hobby.  She knows about my relationship with R, though i don't think she realizes the extent of emotion involved.  I do think she suspects it.

    As I said, I really have no idea what to do with this information.  I suppose this is mostly a cataloguing of events.

    I have laryngitis, today.


Previous Entries
Friendly Advising - 02-02-05
Lovemaking - 01-30-05
The Art of Unhappiness - 01-13-05
Rubber Ducky - 01-09-05
Ouch - 12-24-04

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