Friendly Advising --
n the time since R and I have begun seeing each other, I have had to
ask myself many times if he really loves me, or if I'm making more of this
than there really is to make.� I no longer have that question.
R has a very close friend named J, with whom I have chatted a few times.�
J plays EQ with us on Tuesday nights (a weekly gathering at his place).�
Anyway, on Friday, he asked if I'd like to come over and hang out with
him and some other guys and do some gaming.� I had nothing better
to do and I enjoy hanging out with them, so I went.
��� Inevitably, R came up.� I won't go into the
long, drawn out details, but J told me in no uncertain terms that he thinks
the reason that R has been so "grouchy" lately (this is a complaint I've
heard from his friends, though hadn't experience for myself) is that R
is in love with me, unhappy in his marriage, but absolutely committed to
never getting a divorce.� He went on to tell me that he thinks I'm
the best thing that's ever happened to R and that he hopes the two of us
end up together, though he doesn't see how this can happen without an incredible
amount of pain.
��� I don't know what, if anything, I should do about
this.� Ok, I know the "moral" thing to do would have been never getting
involved in the first place.� At this point, it would be to step aside,
so as not to have an influence on the crumbling of a relationship.
��� I don't, however, consider myself particularly moral
in the traditional sense.� 1)� R is the most incredible man I
have ever met.� With my lengthy history of shitty relationships, I
want this with all of my heart.� The thought of walking away from
it is equivalent to realizing I have the winning lottery ticket but deciding
not to cash it in.� 2)� It was not my decision to call this Love.�
I tried to keep it heart-free in the beginning.� There are several
entries here regarding that.� R is the one who has called it love.�
R is the one who continues to call it love.� 3) It is R's wife who
insists on this multiple partners relationship that they have.� It
is her hobby.� She knows about my relationship with R, though i don't
think she realizes the extent of emotion involved.� I do think she
��� As I said, I really have no idea what to do with
this information.� I suppose this is mostly a cataloguing of events.
��� I have laryngitis, today.
here for a
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