Friendly Advising -- 02-02-05

n the time since R and I have begun seeing each other, I have had to ask myself many times if he really loves me, or if I'm making more of this than there really is to make.� I no longer have that question.
R has a very close friend named J, with whom I have chatted a few times.� J plays EQ with us on Tuesday nights (a weekly gathering at his place).� Anyway, on Friday, he asked if I'd like to come over and hang out with him and some other guys and do some gaming.� I had nothing better to do and I enjoy hanging out with them, so I went.
��� Inevitably, R came up.� I won't go into the long, drawn out details, but J told me in no uncertain terms that he thinks the reason that R has been so "grouchy" lately (this is a complaint I've heard from his friends, though hadn't experience for myself) is that R is in love with me, unhappy in his marriage, but absolutely committed to never getting a divorce.� He went on to tell me that he thinks I'm the best thing that's ever happened to R and that he hopes the two of us end up together, though he doesn't see how this can happen without an incredible amount of pain.
��� I don't know what, if anything, I should do about this.� Ok, I know the "moral" thing to do would have been never getting involved in the first place.� At this point, it would be to step aside, so as not to have an influence on the crumbling of a relationship.

��� I don't, however, consider myself particularly moral in the traditional sense.� 1)� R is the most incredible man I have ever met.� With my lengthy history of shitty relationships, I want this with all of my heart.� The thought of walking away from it is equivalent to realizing I have the winning lottery ticket but deciding not to cash it in.� 2)� It was not my decision to call this Love.� I tried to keep it heart-free in the beginning.� There are several entries here regarding that.� R is the one who has called it love.� R is the one who continues to call it love.� 3) It is R's wife who insists on this multiple partners relationship that they have.� It is her hobby.� She knows about my relationship with R, though i don't think she realizes the extent of emotion involved.� I do think she suspects it.

��� As I said, I really have no idea what to do with this information.� I suppose this is mostly a cataloguing of events.

��� I have laryngitis, today.


Previous Entries
Friendly Advising - 02-02-05
Lovemaking - 01-30-05
The Art of Unhappiness - 01-13-05
Rubber Ducky - 01-09-05
Ouch - 12-24-04

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